As annoying as spam are, I have always been somewhat intrigued at the ingenuity and great lengths that spammers will go to in order to bypass the barracade of spam filters we are constantly erecting and reinforcing. At home I rarely see any spam (Google’s filters are that good), but a lot slips through the cracks at the office. Most of them are short one or two liners with intentionally misspelled words in the subject line like ‘Hydr0_c0done’ and ‘Phe3nterMine.’ These go immediately into the trash bin. However, I sometimes take the time to read what I think are the best spam–those which contain sentence fragments that almost (but not quite) tell a story.

Taking a cue from a friend who has begun a series on his blog called Spam of the Day, in which he “embrace[s] Spam as a cultural phenominam,” I am starting a series here on Transformatum called Rearranged Spam. The game is to take all of the words from the spam email and rearrange them into something a little more literate. I have not added or subtracted any words, nor have I changed their tenses or persons. I have only taken liberties with punctuation. This first is about the dangers of alcohol and boating.

Original Spam (sans Rx image)

>>the two canoes, which was the task that the whole party was now
>>and who was striving to communicate with him, would be apt to
>>indulging in a liquor so much more palatable than that he was
>he was compelled to keep himself. The odor of the whiskey was so
>Margery appeared no more. Assured now of the accuracy of his
>There was tolerably firm ground on it, but it lay in an irregular
background to admit of his being seen. But the fire still blazed in
the night. As it was probable that the sentinel would take his
collected in a body on the brow of the hill, where the chief was
is here can be removed into the thicket that is luckily so near; and
blood, and the usual temporary paralysis had been the consequence.
whiskey, and let them long for it without gettin’ any, as a

Rearranged Spam

Assured of the accuracy of where he was, that is, of the whole of his background, the chief was now compelled to keep himself indulging in his liquor and so the usual and temporary paralysis had been the consequence. Can it be? It was. But luckily Margery was more apt than that. He was striving to communicate with him, but the sentinel lay on firm ground in an irregular body on the brow of the hill and, being seen, would no more admit it. The odor here was a gettin’ near tolerably palatable, as it was probable that there was so much whiskey collected in the blood, that the two appeared as a fire which still blazed in the night. So for any who would long to party without the whiskey, it was now his task to let them be removed and take the canoes into the thicket.

When I snapped this I was thinking, “Like father like daughter.” I’m sure she would say that it was all because of riding in the car … as would I, as would I …

On a more serious note, if you want to become a better writer (or learn how to write in general) then my best advice is to read a lot of books. (HT: Ben)

Between typical and atypical events, I totally blanked on the fact that game four of the World Series was last night. I am glad the Red Sox won, but sweeps are just not conducive to chaotic family life. Next time let’s at least take it to six games.

Perhaps you have heard about the youth ministers who are using ‘Halo 3′ to reach out to teens? Depending on what side of the fence you sit, this is either promising news or it makes you irate (unless you are on the fence like Focus on the Family). Some believe video games are just another tool in their arsenal for evangelism, while others think that condoning the violence sends the wrong message. As one person in the article points out, the debate brings into question all kinds of youth fellowship. But what if we put the activities aside for a moment and focus on the question of, “What attracts people to the gospel?” So you get them in the door with Halo, Ultimate Frisbee, whatever … what next? Act cool and be their best friend? Give a sermonette during the Super Bowl commercials (no!)?

The following article excerpt is taken from Touchstone Magazine, September 2007, “Retaking Mars Hill,” Russell D. Moore (henryinstitute.org).

Early in my ministry, I served as a youth pastor in a Baptist church near an Air Force base in Mississippi. Like every other Evangelical youth minister, I received all the advertisements from youth ministry curricula-hawkers, telling me how I could be “relevant” to “today’s teenagers.” The advertisements promised me ways I could “connect” with teenagers through Bible studies based on MTV reality shows and the songs on the top-40 charts that month.

All I knew how to do, though, was preach the gospel. Yes, I knew what was happening on MTV, and I’d often contrast biblical reality with that, but I fit nobody’s definition of cool – including my own.

A group of teenagers, mostly fatherless boys, some of them gang members, started attending my Wednesday night Bible study. Some of them arrived at the church engulfed in a cloud of marijuana smoke.

I found they weren’t impressed with the ‘cool’ supplemental video clips provided by my denomination’s publisher. They laughed at Christian rap stars, in the same way I laughed at my high-school history teacher’s effort to “have a groovy rap session with you youngsters.”

But what riveted their attention was how weird we were. “So, like, you really believe this dead guy came back from the dead,” one 15-year-old boy asked me. “I do,” I replied. “For real?” he responded. I said, “For real.”

They were amazed at the fact that my wife and I had dinner together, and that we didn’t really want to be somewhere else. “Dude, this is like Nick at Nite,” one said, referencing the black-and-white family sitcom reruns on television each night. “The mom and dad are here, ‘how was your day,’ and the whole deal.” They couldn’t believe that in our church, elderly people and teenagers talked to one another, that Latino military officers joked around with white enlisted men around a Sunday-school coffeepot.

It seemed strange. And, just as at Mars Hill, this strangeness commanded attention. Some believed; some walked away. I was heard, and I was even loved, but I was rarely cool.

So how is it then that Christians “attract” the world? Like Russell Moore’s experience, we attract the world by being the “for real” and “weird” blessing of Life in the midst of death that God in Christ has re-created us to be: by loving one another “in Christ,” by serving one another “in Christ,” by embracing one another, by forgiving one another; bearing with one another, bearing one another’s burdens — “in Christ.” That is, it occurs on no other or no additional basis (be it fun and games or how “cool” we act); just on the basis of the simple fact that each has been crucified and risen with Christ and so are new creations, the old having been passed away and buried with Christ. We “attract” the world to Christ by “going” into the world as brothers and sisters and letting the world see and hear, letting the world taste and touch the “for real,” “strange,” “peculiar,” and, yes, even “weird” Life of Christ. This is the fundamental reason the Lord sends us out two-by-two.